What's up everyone? It's Rodri here... Or Jorge, which is my real name, cuz honestly, that whole Rodri name is just something from when i was a kid, nobody calls me that anymore... It's just in my username... Anyways, i assume no one must even remember who i am, as i haven't been an active user for the past 2 or 3 years... I've been posting like what, 2 or 3 pictures a year? May not seem like a long time, but it kinda was actually... And journals, i think i only posted one single journal last year... I don't even know why i'm writing this down, but hey, why not?... It's better then sitting around here and do nothing... But let's cut down to the chase. So, 2014... Hell, shit's getting worst and worst... This year started terribly actually, and it kept on being terrible. My family is collapsing. I got my grandfather who had a stroke right at the begining of the year, and lost his left arm, it doesn't move still to this day... After all the trouble with taking care of his disease, back and forth in the hospitals, and with him staying at home, a bunch of crap for my mother who's working as much as 3 or 4 people... And things aren't getting any better, because even though my grandfather is slightly getting better physically, he can walk a little better with the help of a walking stick or whatever that is... But not his arm though, that one is still kinda dead... What's concerning is actually his mentality. He keeps on rejecting going to a specialized home for old people, he wants his old life back and acts like nothing else matters... Fucking hell... My mother has been working her ass off all the time for him and he can't even accept doing a little sacrifice now... Cuz even with him being at a home, my mom goes to visit him everyday and to take him home to sleep with us like at least 3 or 4 times a week... How many familiars do that?... He should be more understanding, but then again, that's his own personality... I love my grandfather, always have. He's been a father figure for me since i was a child... But well, he's not perfect... After 7 months of this shit, i've realised a few things about life... However, shit's not done here. I got my uncle in the hospital, but that one is about to die... That's right. Lung cancer, terminal state, from all those years of heavily smoking and drinking coffee... Well, now it's too late, he cannot be saved... Funny because during his life he's been the most selfish and evil bastard to my mother ever. Now that he is on the verge of taking the step to the other side he's being all sweet and what not... However, if he survived this, he'd be the same bastard as before, i hate to say it, but it's true. But hey, that's how it should be. In the end of life, screw it, you just forgive people... Let a man die in peace. Why not?... Probably his own life was his payment already, he was never truly happy... I guess that's one way of looking at it...
Maybe the only good news is that my mother joined with a man, and he's a preety cool guy, and he's helping us out... He's serious. I'm still getting to know him, but it's going just fine. So i hope that works out. Cuz just 2 years ago my mom had another man, and hell, we were so damn close, that dude was awesome... But he just wasn't mature enough to have a relationship with my mother, so well, he's gone... It's too bad, cuz he had the best woman ever, and he wasted it... Wasn't easy for me, but it's in the past, so i have no problems with it... I was just sharing.
So what about me?... Well, i'm surviving... I mean, i don't complain much actually, i am preety happy with what i have. There are people in far worst situtations then i am. I'm lucky i still have a roof over my head, food and a mother who cares for me, thank god... I'm fine. However, it is hard for me to see my family falling apart like this. But then again, that's how life is right?... School is a mess. I got one more year to do, i had exams this year, and i couldn't even do them, i just had no head to that shit. Fuck it... Luckly i can do them on the end of the next year, which will add up to the other exams of the next year.... So i'll have 4 exams to do, but screw it, no big deal... I can handle it. I mean, some of my collegues were saying that i should focus more on school and what not... Well, this is a fact, to be sucessful at school, or any job, you need to focus your life unto it. And my life is more than fucking school, i can't concentrate on it... So just fuck it.
I guess that's that then... I have no idea why i wrote this shit here, i just suddenly felt like it... But you know what, i love writing. I don't even know why i don't do it more often... It feels great... As far as drawing, can't really say the same... In the last few weeks i came to the realization that my love for drawing is preety much, well... Gone. I mean, i still love drawing, it's awesome. I love art. And you never lose a natural talent. I can always pick up a pencil and draw something. I draw in classes in school, i'm in Art Course... But outside of that, i have to admit, i just don't feel like drawing... Ever... It's funny how your life changes so bad... From when i was 13/14, that Sonic fan kid who played videogames and drew as many Sonic sketches as i can remember, to the man i've become today... In 2 months i'm becoming 18.
So what will the future bring? I have no fucking clue man... And i'm not dying to know it either, just bring it on whenever, wherever... Anyways, if anyone out there took the time to read this, whether you're a 12 year old kid or a middle aged artist out here on DA, or just some random dude who passed by, i appreciate it... I didn't really wrote this to an audience, i just did it cuz i wanted to... But it's better if someone reads it right? That's what texts are made for... But i enjoyed writing this actually, quite a lot... This might be the first journal that had a deep meaning in a long, long time... I'm using DA as a diary apparently... I actually realise that back then i was just kind of a whiny kid if you read my journals from the past years, but i guess that's part of being a kid right? This journal here... I'm not whining or complaining, i'm just speaking out my mind. I felt like doing it... If you take it the wrong way, well, too bad... But yeah, that's all i wanted to say, so i'll catch with you guys anytime soon, see ya!
Listening to: My mind...